08 May 2015

To the Person Who Stole My Van

Dear Van Thief,

I wish you hadn't taken my van.

I keep telling myself that I forgive you, and then something comes up, and I realize that I still have hard feelings. Usually this is because I'll be wanting something I left in the van. Whatever prompted you to take a van that messy? Puked on, peed on car seats, dirty clothes, food wrappers, random fruit snacks? Then add all the toys, and left shoes. Mine was a van that was well-loved, but not well-cared for. I'm actually embarrassed that you saw all that mess. I would say, if I'd known you were coming I would have cleaned, but let's be honest, if I'd known you were coming I would have stayed home from church and you'd have stolen someone else's car from the parking lot.

I want you to know that you stole my dream car. People thought I should be excited about getting a new car - yes, the insurance declared it a loss - but Buddy, that was my new dream car. It fit my family just right, came at the right price, a/c that worked great, I even loved the color.

I also want you to know that you caused some financial hardship. You can't just take people's cars and expect them to pop on over to the dealership chuckling indulgently about what a naughty boy (or girl) you've been, and oh, isn't it lucky that we're independently wealthy and can fix this up right away. Even after the insurance payment, what you did caused debt and stress. I've asked myself if you justify your decisions by focusing on your own financial hardships. Buddy, if you're in a tough spot, I'm sorry. I truly am. But your lack of cow didn't entitle you to mine.

I want you to know that you didn't ruin Christmas. I thought for a few minutes you had, taking the van the Sabbath before Christmas like that, but then I realized there wasn't any way for you or anybody else to ruin Christmas, because Christ has already Atoned for our sins (even you taking the van) and made it possible for each of us to return to live with our Father in Heaven. It's already done, and nobody can take that away from us.

I want you to know I sort of forgive you. I say sort of, because I still get pretty irked about the whole thing. There were belongings in there that I miss but don't have the funds or priority to replace. And the next time we go on a road trip, we're not going to have any leg room or personal space - especially the three babies in the back. And if you hadn't done it, we'd have been out of debt much sooner, and had that much more in savings. I say I forgive you, because I have the desire to be a good Christian, and because I want the forgiveness of God extended to me for my shortcomings. I say I forgive you because it's the right thing to do. So until I can learn to truly forgive, I want to offer you my verbal (and written) forgiveness.

And if there were two things I would thank you for, it would be these: 1. Thank you, from the bottom of my soul, for taking the van when we weren't in it. and 2. Thank you for leaving the bike and the girls' new coats when you ditched the van. I didn't have the money to replace them.

Sincerely,
Karyn

Blog Name and Address

Dear Steve, Margarita, and Rohan,

This isn't actually the letter I was planning on starting with, but I think I'll start here anyway.

Steve,
I'm sorry I stole your blog name. I tried for the address as well, which is how I discovered that you exist. I didn't really read much on your blog, but I wish you well in the endeavor.

Margarita,
Sorry about your break-up.

Rohan,
I actually read about 1 and 1/2 of your posts. Your writing style is humorous, and I really see it going two ways: either A) You provide a moment of laughter in the day of someone who could probably use it. or B) Your letters are a bane to working professionals who waste time trying to solve your problem in those little moments before they realized they've been pranked.

To all,

I sat down to start a blog this morning and had to try five times before I could get an address, well, actually six. This reinforces my practice of never fully forming ideas. I just come up with half an idea, say, "I bet somebody else has already thought of this," and I google it. I am seldom wrong. It works especially well on holiday entertaining, dining and decorating ideas.

The very fact that so many of our search queries return relevant results is indicative of the fact that we as a human race are in this boat together. Lots of us want to know how to pull off a bunny diving into a cupcake for Easter dinner. Lots of us want to know when to take our newborn to the doctor with a fever, and how can we tell when a baby that small has an earache? There are so many of us wondering when Disney is going to release Lilo and Stitch the Series on DVD, or start distributing the next season of the Muppets, that we have whole sites dedicated to just talking about it. By the way, I'm waiting for the DVD release of the Muppets Hey, Cinderella! Such a good show.

My husband and I do seem to be sort of alone in waiting for Marblehead Manor to come to DVD. It's such a funny show, how could it fail to make it to season 2? Oh, well. We can't all be the same. Snowflakes, right?

Please don't worry that I'm trying to steal your thunder. I expect this blog to have three readers: two of my sisters, and my husband. We'll make it four, because I expect my mother will read it at least once.

Sincerely,

Karyn