10 March 2016

A Letter to Others Who Struggle With Obesity

Dear Obese Stranger,

I too am obese. Last week I was at least 80 lbs. overweight. There are many long and interwoven reasons for being overweight, including genetics and emotional problems, but the short and simple explanation for why I am obese is that I eat too much, and have a fairly inactive lifestyle. Mostly that I eat too much. I think most of us have realized by now that exercise cannot keep up with the massive quantities of calories we put into our bodies. Exercise is incredibly important, and it does help with weight loss, but the main thing is to put fewer calories into our mouths.

Dear Stranger, if you and I were doing that, we wouldn't be obese anymore, but that is a personal and complicated battle we are fighting, and my victory isn't going to be your victory (in more than in the solidarity sense), because you and I are not the same person. So this letter to you isn't about my weight loss tips and hints. It's about what I wish I could say to you.

You are worthy of being loved. The body of proof is out there, and it is a shapely and plus-sized body. If you look around you, you will see many obese people in happy marriages with partners who love and respect them, and think their spouse is the most fun and exciting person they've ever met. And it isn't just fat people finding fat people. My own husband is a handsome, slender, and loving sweetheart, who thinks that a can of peaches for dinner is great as long as he gets his needed caloric intake over all. I'm not saying there aren't shallow people out there out there for whom being overweight is a distinct and immediate turn-off, or that everyone on Earth is going to love you. I am saying that being obese doesn't make anyone unlovable. There are fat people who love fat people. There are skinny people who love fat people. There are fat people who love skinny people. There are skinny people who love skinny people. You aren't somehow the only obese person on the planet that no one will ever love. And friends are no different. Fat people can and do have skinny friends who love and support them, just like they have fat friends who love and support them.

Wear the right clothes. Briefly, don't wear clothing that is so tight that everyone observes every ripple of your fat as you walk. Sure, I mean that. But mostly I mean don't wear shapeless, unattractive clothing that is way too big for you. I once assumed that because I am obese it didn't matter how I dressed because my body was working against me, negating any positive effort I made. Let me point out to you what my sister pointed out to me: we all know plus-sized women who are gorgeous. They are beautiful and elegant and vivacious. They are careful in their grooming, and gifted at assembling glamorous and flattering clothing ensembles. We know well-dressed men with great haircuts and great taste, who are incredibly attractive - who are also overweight. Just like we know people like that who are skinny. They look good, whatever their body type. So don't bust out the Russian circus tent just because you have fat rolls. You'll make a better impression, and, I'm convinced, look less obese if you're wearing the right size and style of clothing for you.

Don't brag about how much you eat, or try to pass yourself off as the resident fatty. Being a positive person is important, and it makes you more likeable, but trying to be "the fat person" isn't positivity or self-acceptance. It's belittling and demeaning to yourself. And it's also an excuse and an alibi for not changing.

Which brings me to the last thing I'd like to say to you right now. Don't be okay with being obese. It isn't who you are. Smart. Funny. Clever. Kind. Be the best things about you. Keep trying to loose weight. Being obese is hurting us, but not because it is making us unlovable, or unattractive. It's hurting us because we're increasing our risk for serious health challenges, as well as creating or exacerbating actual health challenges we're facing right now. It's hurting us because we're missing opportunities: Do not ride this ride? Weight limit x number of pounds? Running and playing actively with our children? Teaching our children how to care for themselves appropriately? Maybe even living to see our children and grandchildren?

Sum up: Don't let obesity stop you from loving and being loved. Don't let obesity stop you from being an attractive person. Don't adopt your obesity as your defining characteristic. Don't stop fighting to be a healthier you.

Sincerely,
Karyn

P.s. Skinny people have insecurities too. Just like fat people. The key word here is people. We are all people, all together on this planet, all God's children. Let's focus on just being people, good people, and cheering each other on.